Last week was apparently the first day of school for many. How do I know this? Not because I still have small people at home... nope... I took a walk through my neighborhood one morning and there they all stood... small people with their big people... waiting... on at least every 3rd block or so. Then in the afternoon, Jon and I took a ride on the "mo-bike"... at first we thought, "wow, we must look like quite a spectacle for all these people to be sitting out on their porches waiting for us to drive by." [grin] Waiting for the exciting return home, moms were perched on porches and curbs and sitting in their cars in strategic spots... and then we got behind a bus dropping kids off with moms greeting them at the door with the "how'd it go?" I remember well.
This got me musing... what if today was my first day of school? Now, in my own mind, this is not a pretty picture. School "day ones" for me were frought with anxiety.
During my walk last week, I saw this one precious teenager. She was waiting for the bus... probably last year of middle school or first year of high school. Gorgeous young lady standing there in her jeans and fashion tees. Perfect hair and makeup. Just standing, relaxed, confident. Not a pen, pencil, notebook, backpack in sight. If I had it to do all over again... I would want to be like that. First day of high school... no biggie. But can I just say... that wasn't me... EVER.
No. Picture "Harry Potter's" Hermione on a severe caffeine and sugar high. That was me. I was the girl with a minimum of four pens (2 black, 2 blue) and 2 #2 pencils + 1 mechanical pencil, a highlighter, a bottle of "white out", a 3-ring notebook divided into 7-8 subject sections with extra loose-leaf paper, a journal, a pack of 3x5 cards, an extra book to read (in case there was "social time"), and my class schedule attached in plain view on the front of the notebook with a copy of the class schedule hidden away in my jeans pocket (right next to the locker combination) in case I lost the first one. My inner motto was "don't stand out, don't embarrass yourself, and don't fail." I was plain. In my own way, camouflaged. I didn't know how to dress cool or act cool. I just knew how to study. So, yes, I was the girl that came home with every book assigned in every class in my hands on the first day of school.
As for the "day one" experience... straight to my first class with my map of the school in hand, pre-marked and color-coded with the fastest routes to each classroom and alternate routes in case the first was too hard to navigate. In every class I took copious notes and made sure the syllabus was safely put away so I would never forget an assignment or a rule. All this came from too many times in elementary school when I forgot the rules or made mistakes and drew attention to myself. If at all possible, I hid at lunch and stayed away from any table that looked "fun" because fun could lead to embarrassment. If I made friends, it was because some wonderful parent taught their child to be kind. Some kind soul inevitably took pity on me and reached out.
So for me, in context, another first day of school is a nightmare.
But let's pretend I'm an enlightened adult... I know it's a leap... okay, so let's say I'm a Spirit-filled, saved by grace adult. Not such a leap. And today is the first day of school... I wonder would a fearless first day look any different? Would I be the girl that didn't see the need for a pencil? Would I throw caution to the wind and forget the copious notes? Would I smile more, look people in the eye more? Would I worry more about relationships and less about A's? Would I still be hyper-punctual or would I slide in at the bell? Would I learn just for the test or would I really learn? Would I seek out the fun table? Would I be the kind soul? Would I stuff my books in the locker at the end of the day and only do what was assigned? Would I be my normal uber-studious self or would I skip class now and then?
I think I know how I would be... because lately every day with God has felt like the first day of school. I'm in Gospel University. I'm taking a few remedial classes. Several subjects are just way over my head. I'm taking some level 4's. The syllabus is a sparse one. It simply says: Be conformed to the image of His Son. Pop quizes and labs abound every day. The dust from Jesus' feet flies up in front of me... sometimes I can barely keep up. Sometimes I just sit at His feet and learn. Sometimes we just walk from class to class together. I'm not learning for the sake of the test anymore... I'm learning for the joy of His company and to glorify His name. It's a stringent pass or fail system... with the exception of endless do-overs. His table is sometimes the fun table, and sometimes set in difficult places, but there's no one I'd rather lunch with. I'm never without pen and paper, always prepared to take copious notes... never without my journal because I don't want to forget one word, one truth, one glance from Him. I'm still not a social butterfly, but those He knows are becoming my friends too. And He doesn't seem to know a stranger. He's showing me how to engage people, to share with others, to be kind, to love. He's encouraging me to live boldly, to learn fearlessly, to teach freely, to fail honestly, to recover gracefully, to preach truthfully.
You know, I had some great teachers back then... but this... this is wholly (and holy) other. And I'm loving my schedule, and my subject, and my Teacher. And I'm looking forward to tomorrow - my first day of school.
Copyright 2011 Sharon Denise Dorminy
2 comments:
For the record, I enjoyed being beside you and never having to hide my map of the school, my same supplies, my shyness and ability to be invisible and I'm still right there with you learning but with a tremendous sense of peace.
Isn't it bizarre how we always see other people differently... I always thought you were one of the cool kids and that I was just privileged to be one of your many friends. Never really remember you as "shy". :) Love you and thanks for "being right there."
Post a Comment