Gems N More

I'm about to begin a discourse that's liable to make it fully known what many have privately surmised: the girl is bizarre.
I have the privilege of living near the D.C. area. Sometimes it still blows me away that I, within the space of 2 hours, can be on the mall of the Nation's capital. Despite my nomadic upbringing, I've always considered Oklahoma to be home and never dreamed I'd be sitting on this side of the continent. I recently took a day trip with my son (Luke) and his friend. I am the designated tour guide (a role that I love) and we toured the American Art Museum as well as the Museum of Natural History.

So Luke and friend headed off to the IMAX theatre. I headed to the "gems and minerals" exhibit. Sounds thrilling, doesn't it? Oh, I didn't bypass the "jewel" section and the "Hope Diamond". :) But I am utterly fascinated by gems in their original forms. Before I headed there, I took a second look at a passage of scripture that makes my imagination bug out.

"The material of the wall was jasper; and the city was pure gold, like clear glass. The foundation stones of the city wall were adorned with every kind of precious stone. The first foundation stone was jasper; the second, sapphire; the third, chalcedony; the fourth, emerald; the fifth, sardonyx; the sixth, sardius; the seventh, chrysolite; the eighth, beryl; the ninth, topaz; the tenth, chrysoprase; the eleventh, jacinth; the twelfth, amethyst."

Maybe that does absolutely nothing for you, but I looked for those "precious stones" in the museum. I saw the raw material of someday polished gems. My experience that day was nothing less than worship. Not of the stones themselves, but of a God who sees into the depths of the earth. I wondered at the day that He created it. We look at the earth in greens and browns. But God paints from the pallet of deepest blues, richest reds, brightest yellows and greens, clearest pinks and purples, every hue imaginable in every depth from transparent to darkest ebony. And He does it in the depths of the earth... in secret.

I went from window to window, "rock" to "rock", overwhelmed with the diversity and imagination of a God who would form something so awe-inspiring without the "ahhhhh" of an audience. Instead, we drill and dig. We mine for them... hidden treasures of beauty and value.

I've no words to describe the rush in my spirit. I didn't have words that day. But something did happen. I had an overwhelming response in my heart, a compulsion that started deep within and wanted to flow right out of my fingers. I had an overwhelming desire to applaud. It was unbearable.
I looked around. I was surrounded by unsuspecting people, including "guards". Stoics walking around making certain that no one misbehaved. And there I was... wanting to call for applause. Wanting to scream "HE DESERVES YOUR PRAISE... ADORE YOUR CREATOR... ARE YOU NOT AMAZED AT HIS WONDERS?"

I regret that I let my sensibilities stifle my compulsory worship. Instead of all out applause, I put my hands in front of me and silently clapped for the Creator of the Universe and whispered, "Praise You, Most High! Praise You, my Creator! Aren't You just the most beautiful One! I adore You. Thank You." And so it went. My hands clapping together so that no one could hear but the ear of the Most High God. If someone caught a glimpse of me, they might of thought I had an irritating little habit or tic. They might of thought "that girl needs a friend... look at her talking to herself." But that was all the restraint I could muster. And now I sort of wish I had been absolutely looney for Him. Sometimes it's important to be foolish.

I've thought about that moment a lot this week. And God has built upon the worship to teach me. Sometimes it's the hidden places that He does His most astonishing works of beauty. It's in the seemingly insignificant seasons and places that His creativity flourishes. I wonder... in those disconnected times of our lives when we feel forgotten and unvalued, when we feel our loneliest, when dreams are dying and time is barely moving... is God dealing with the infrastructure? Is He reaching into the depths of who we are and fashioning something to be dug up later. Something of beauty. Something beyond beautiful. Something that, when it's revealed in us for others to finally see, they will stare wide-eyed and say "Oh, look at His wonders!" His wonders in us. His glory in us. In those times is He fashioning worth and deepest hues of character, transforming a rock into a jewel? A jewel that will eventually be unearthed to the glory of His name in us.
I marveled at His word. Just a few verses after the ones quoted above (Revelation 21:18-20), verses 23 and 24 say this: "And the city has no need of the sun or of the moon to shine on it, for the glory of God has illumined it, and its lamp is the Lamb. The nations will walk by its light, and the kings of the earth will bring their glory into it." The Son shines on us and we bring His glory into the kingdom.

You should have seen the way those "rocks" sparkled. Awesome. (Applause, applause, applause!)


Copyright 2008 Sharon Denise Dorminy

Going For the Silver

I watched the women’s gymnastics last night (2008 Olympics). I loved gymnastics as a kid. I was average. I could do a mean walk-over and my splits were nothing to scoff at. But I watch with jaw-dropped awe at the skill of these women.

I’ve never been much for competition either. I don’t like the whole “stone in the stomach” feeling, either for myself or for anyone else. And that’s what I felt last night. Alicia was ready. She prepared. She had done that routine countless times and nailed it countless times. And her mount on the beam was no easy feat! (No pun intended!) It’s not natural to hit a board, spring into the air, somersault and land solid on a 4” wide beam. She paced and was forced to wait for much too long before her trial came. Her team was praying. Her team was counting on her score. Gold was attainable. In fact, it was probable.

One fall. That’s all it took. And it simply snowballed from there. I watched her finish her routine with a stone-faced look of resolve. She had trouble lifting her eyes to look in the faces of her team and audience. I saw her kneel, hands in a praying position. Don’t know if she was praying as much as she was regretting. She had one more event and she was encouraged to “forget it” and move to the next one.

Another event. Another fall. A huge step out of bounds.

You could visibly see the shame taking its ground in her countenance. The heaviness of it looked unbearable to me. I wondered at her composure. My heart broke for her. Oddly, my empathy wasn’t really because of her “failure”. I certainly know what it means to fail. I certainly know the feeling of public humiliation. I’m no stranger to public shame and self-condemnation.

No, what struck me with sadness was that she didn’t have permission to celebrate. Something wonderful happened last night. The US Women’s Gymnastics Team won a Silver Medal. Alicia one a silver medal. And deservedly. Alicia just had a bad day yesterday. And on her bad day, she received a silver reward.

I’m not an unusually profound person. But I thought of a scripture at the end of China’s celebration, and by the way, those little girls were astounding! Silvr and gold have I none, but such as I have give I thee. I thought Alicia could enjoy this night if she could, in this very moment -  right now, receive what only One has to offer: grace. Like the wrap put tightly on her leg for added support, grace would wrap her heart and hold her. It doesn’t really help to say “shake it off, forget about it, you can’t change it anyway, move on”. I’ve heard all those before. Haven’t you? And were you able? I‘m really not. The more I try to forget, the more I stress over it. The more I try to rationalize and convince myself that the unchangeable is in the past, the more I focus on “what ifs” and the bigger the tizzy I get into. The more I try to move on, the more my engine stalls. No, willing a frame of mind just doesn’t seem to do it.

But grace… grace says, “accept it.”  It says, “hold this moment in your heart even though it hurts.” And most importantly, grace says, “Now, this is the truth; yes, that happened, but YOU are what I cherish! YOU are valuable! More valuable than gold and  more valuable than the silver that hangs around your neck. YOU are loved and known and fully received, not your performance. Grace says, “maybe next time, maybe not; either way, I love you.”

I thought about my “Alicia moments” last night. I recalled those nights where I could only focus on the gold that was lost. Though the grace was offered, I couldn’t open my hands to receive it. The shame seemed more appropriate, I guess. It’s our just reward for poor performance’ especially when our poor performance plays out in a public forum.

But now, as I look back at huge failures that have finally felt the deep-heat rub of God’s grace, I’m able to humbly accept them as part of my own eternal Olympic experience. They don’t have even the wince of shame anymore. They are what they are, and I still hold the silver from them. There’s a hard-earned reward that comes with failures finally owned. Don’t hear much from the silver medal winners. Not a whole lot of boasting goin’ on with them. Maybe it’s the bitter-sweetness of winning in the losing.

Makes me want to open my hands though. Open my hands and receive the grace of God for this day and the quiet little failures no one “ooooohhhhhed” over. The private races where I’ve come short of the gold. The private races where really, truth be known, I didn’t medal at all. I’m thrilled that God isn’t counting the medals around my neck. He’s more apt to count the scrapes and scars on my knees. It’s a comfort to a beloved stumbling eternal Olympian.


Copyright 2008 Sharon Denise Dorminy