Fearing Eli

Some battles are just beyond description. I'm in one. Have you ever been in a situation where you felt called of God to do something that was especially contrary to your personality? God's graced me with a few God moments - times He's spoken to me about the situation, or about my own heart. Minus the feeling though... I miss the "feel" of His presence, but I'm certain that He's here. Like I said... a little beyond description. And I don't like it. Imagine God sending you a note that said, "I want you to hurt someone today." That's not how God does it (or says it), but when God uses you as a human "rod", that's how your heart can interpret it. I tried to skip out on Him in this one - would have been much more comfortable. But if you know Him, though He gives you the choice to obey Him, it's really no choice at all if you truly desire His pleasure.

What God asked of me seemed an extraordinary (and unfair) thing. But it's no more extraordinary than the choices I have to make every day. Will I obey Him when He asks me to forgive? Will I choose Him over my own desires in this moment? Will I lust or will I bow? Will I obey when it's in secret and doesn't seem to "count"?

God has reminded me that sometimes when we're called to do the hard thing, and we know that it's going to cause hurt - God is doing something not only for their healing, but for our own healing. The difficult step of faith is the first step toward our own freedom. Granted, my first step (if the prints be known), look more like ruts where my heels dug in as I was pulled by God. But I moved forward nevertheless. Maybe the next step will be a bit more pronounced as I lay aside my fear of being rejected, my hatred of being misunderstood, and that inkling of desire for self vindication. It's not about them; it's not about me; it's all about God. But it's for them and it's for me. A gift even when it's hard to receive.

I turned to January 30th in "My Utmost for His Highest". It was especially relevant to me today. Remember the story of Samuel and Eli in 1 Sam. 3? Oswald Chambers says this: "God never speaks to us in startling ways, but in ways that are easy to misunderstand, and we say, 'I wonder if that is God's voice?' Isaiah said that the Lord spake to him 'with a strong hand,' that is, by the pressure of circumstances. Nothing touches our lives but it is God Himself speaking. Do we discern His hand or only mere occurrence?... Shall I tell 'Eli' what God has shown to me? That is where the dilemma of obedience comes in. We disobey God by becoming amateur providences - I must shield 'Eli', the best people we know. God did not tell Samuel to tell Eli; he had to decide that for himself. God's call to you may hurt your 'Eli'; but if you try to prevent the suffering in another life, it will prove an obstruction between your soul and God." And there's where the choice is no choice at all, for we can't afford the obstruction between our souls and God. So we hurt our 'Eli' for Him. And for us. Doesn't seem fair. But because I know my God - it's right.


Copyright 2009 Sharon Denise Dorminy