"EDeniser" Stones

1 Samuel 7:12 says, "Then Samuel took a stone and set it between Mizpah and Shen, and named it Ebenezer, saying, 'Thus far the LORD has helped me.'"

I've been concentrating on some verses about grace. A friend of mine said something recently that stung - I appreciate the mark it left. She said "I don't see the praise of the glory of His grace on you." I don't think she meant "never", but her words went down deep. With the freedom that I have received in Christ, it felt like a really low blow. But God used it to help me to see my recent state with His eyes.

Has God put His finger on something that needs to be changed in you? Have you attempted to change it? Put all your energy toward changing it? But still you find yourself right back in the same place, dealing with the same old thing, wondering why your best efforts have failed again.

Evan H. Hopkins cited a work called "Practical Mistakes" in one of his books. In "Practical Mistakes", the writer says this: "I saw that hitherto, if not in theory at least in practice, I had had one way of obtaining forgiveness of sins and another for overcoming indwelling sin and seeking to please God. The former was sought by believing, the latter by painful effort. Between the two ways there was all the difference of faith and works. But I was now convinced, by repreated failures made after solemn resolutions backed up by determined effort, that I had no more power to restrain my thoughts from evil than when destitute of the grace of God...The reason of defeat now appeared to be, not the want of effort, but the want of faith. The frequent experience of failure made failure a frequent expectation and experience. Hence, in addition to the mistake in thinking that greater holiness could, in some way, be obtained by striving, I had sometimes fallen into the error of imagining that this life of conflict and conscious failure must continue until the end. Instead of aiming at sinning not, I endeavored merely to sin as little as possible..."

I think this man's dilemma is more the rule than the rarity for most people. Saved by grace through faith, but trying to sanctify ourselves. Our flesh wants our own righteousness to be the champion. But we are only the trophies of His grace - we are the proof of His victory.

I've been accused of being quite intense in my pursuit of God. There is much evidence to convict me on that point. My most intense times have also born the most fruit. It's part of who I am to be an intense seeker; but I find that as of late, I have been an intense striver. God puts his finger on something; I strive to fix it. I look back on a trail of stones erected in memory of my own self effort. My own "EDeniser" stones: Thus far Denise has helped me. The result has not been the conquering of sin, but rather exhaustion and frustration. I have a latin phrase that moves across my computer screen when it is resting. It is: nisi dominus frustra. "Without God, frustration."

The key to the problem is simply in apprehending the grace of God. Sin is no longer master over me because I am not striving to make myself righteous, but I am under grace (and already declared righteous). [See Romans 6:14] Grace is no longer grace when I work to make myself right before God. [See Romans 11:6] When I seek to make myself righteous, I fail to appropriate God's grace and I "sever" myself from Him becoming ineffective, idle. [see Galatians 5:4]

Galatians 2:20-21 says this: I have been crucified (I have died) with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh (in this body) I live by faith (not by works or striving) in the Son of God, who loved (loves) me and gave Himself up for me. I do not nullify (abolish or displace) the grace of God, for if righteousness comes through the Law (or if I try to be righteous on my own in my own way), then Christ died needlessly.

Every time I set up my "EDeniser" stone and sing "I Did It My Way", I am nullifying the grace of God, severing myself from Him, refusing His grace for my need. Sounds harsh? How does one live to the praise of the glory of His grace when she doesn't rely on His grace? His grace is the fullness of Christ in us, our hope of glory. 1 Corinthians 15:10 keeps playing in my head as a prayer. "By Your grace, Lord, I am what I am. Your grace upon me, Christ in me, did not prove to be fruitless; but I labored even more than all of them - not me though, but Your grace, You, in me." Intensity? Yep. But the intensity of desperation. The intensity that forces me to cry out for help from the only One who gives grace to help in our time of need. I've got to learn to focus my intensity on kicking over the EDeniser stones and embracing my own ineptness, believing with a whole heart that I cannot deliver myself from my own sin... ever.
It's only then that I cry out for the grace of God and His power and victory come... to the praise of the glory of His grace.

Oswald Chambers said, "We must get sick unto death of ourselves, until there is no longer any surprise at anything God can tell us about ourselves. There is only one place where we are right, and that is in Christ." [My Utmost for His Highest, June 21]

Today I choose by faith to set aside my own self efforts to lay hold of the grace of Christ; to set up a stone today that says, "Ebenezer: thus far the Lord has helped me." And maybe this evening another one... thus far the Lord has helped me. And maybe tomorrow another one... thus far the Lord has helped me. "For of His fullness we have all received, and grace upon grace." Good-bye EDeniser. Hello Ebenezer for thus far, the LORD has helped me.


Copyright 2008 Sharon Denise Dorminy

The C&O Encounter

I got up this morning with every intention of an orderly, disciplined day. I had a few errands to run. But there was this unction in my heart, as if the Lord was saying, "Come walk with Me." I took Him literally and drove to the canal to walk.

Without going into details, God and I were chatting about some current struggles I've been having. I had walked quite a distance... my breathing was faster and my feet were moving slower. I could hear faint talking behind me and knew there were some men coming up from behind. When they got close, they greeted me.

And then a God moment began. I had just been listening to a cd in my car by John Ortberg entitled Scripture, The Church, & Women. He talked about the tenderness of Jesus toward women and how He values them. These men introduced themselves as pastors at a local church and asked if they could pray for me. They couldn't have known, and in that short time I couldn't have told them everything, but I was having an Emmaus moment. I simply told them I was tired and, in not so many words, that my focus lately has been on serving rather than worshiping. God was saying "come to Me, child" over and over this morning.

These past few weeks, as my ear has been more acutely tuned to God, I realize my exhaustion has come from my striving to hang on to what God has said to let go of. In an effort to let go, I've been frantically searching for other ways to fill the loss. That's exhausting too. God doesn't make it this hard... I have felt shelved - somehow unimportant. I've kept a hold of a few things in order to not feel discarded. Shall I just shout: RED FLAG...RED FLAG...RED FLAG!!!! Jeepers.

So back to the story at hand... I was asking some really tough questions of my heart this morning. I was confessing my insecurities to God and repenting of my pride. And then I said these words: "Lord, the cry of my heart, as selfish as it is, is to matter to You and to others. There's pride in there and yet there is a genuine desire to serve You whole heartedly. Help me to know that I matter to You and let that be enough so I can rest." And then two pastors show up beside me and ask if they can pray for me.

They couldn't know, but Father was saying to me... "Denise, you matter to me. I sent two Pastors to pray over you this morning. Two men to be the Jesus who values women; two men who know what it's like to be tired and to be refreshed; two men that know what it means to "be" as much as to "do". For awhile I thought what God was saying was, "You have to let go of the old, to embrace the new that I have set before you." And that is true to a degree. But after these men met with me this morning, I realized what He's been saying to me is really this: "You have to let go of the old. And you can't take hold of the new until you first take hold of Me. Come to Me." The hope of my calling is Him and is in Him. These faithful men affirmed a wayward heart this morning.

I gave them my web address. I hope they visit if only to see they mattered to me and we matter to Him.


Copyright 2008 Sharon Denise Dorminy