Duplicity. If it wasn't so much fun to say, I would put it in my "dirty word" list. "But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways." I looked up the word - check out and pop back in next paragraph if you have an aversion to Greek words and definitions. (Yes, you, K.) It's the word dipsuchos (dipsyche). It means literally "twice or two souled". From my old Baptist background, we called it "straddling the fence" - one foot in the world, one foot in the Kingdom. Zodhiates says "On the one hand, he wishes to maintain a religious confession and desires the presence of God in his life; on the other hand, he loves the ways of the world and prefers to live according to its mores and ethics."
In other words: I want it my way... and... I want it God's way. Sometimes that's true. Or I want God's will, but I want to do it my way which really isn't God's will at all. James definition for duplicity seems to be "you believe God but you don't". Or more simply... we doubt. I like the way John Bunyan put it in "Pilgrims Progress": Mr. FacingBothWays. What does MY duplicity look like? In my case, it's Mrs. FacingAllDirections. I don't seem to be getting my footing as of late. As James says, we become unstable in all our ways. I'm not talking about the extreme of being an unbeliever who pretends to be a believer. I'm talking about the times that I vacillate between His will and my own, the times that I blow both hot and cold.
(Insert internal growl here.)
I think it looks very much like the same 'ole power struggle between my flesh and the Spirit in me.
Here's an example:
God wants me to _____________.
I zealously head that direction.
I start making a plan.
Then I start planning to make a more complex plan.
And in the midst of the more complex plan, I find another path to the same goal.
I head that direction. (I don't know why...)
I repeat this process several times.
Then wake up and realize that I have done nothing but plan with plans that lead to other plans.
When I step back and look at the mess: I've lost God's plan in the midst of 50 of my own.
This is insane!!
In case you think I'm exaggerating... today, I attempted to reel in all of my insanity. I have a stack of 16 books that all have bookmarks that read "Yes, I'm Actually Reading This". A stack - rather a monument - to my duplicity. 16... and that's not including the books I started on my Kindle. AND they all seem purposeful to me. Yeah. I know. That's because they each lead in one of the many directions I was trying to head to all at once.
I recently attended a "Gospel Coaching" seminar with some precious people from my church. I will spare you the details (though it was A. BLAST.), but I came away with a few very important things.
1. I need to stop having good intentions and get intentional. And by that, I mean, I need to repent of my self-trust and submit to God's direction alone.
2. I need to get a vision of God's plan for me that recognizes His value and thus the value of His plan for me. (For some reason, I let the plans of others derail the thing God is leading me to do. Somehow I determine that what people want (or even need) is more important than what God wants.) [Can you say IDOLATRY?!!!!] I place little value on the things that God calls me to, thinking them to be of less value and importance than what God is doing in others. Yes, I'm repenting.
3. I need strategic, intentional, obedient steps to the goal of glorifying Christ by faith.
The 16 books... ok... so I need a system. :)
From duplicitous to wholehearted... heading there...
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