27 years today. I've been thinking about marriage all week. And if there is anything I'm more and more sure of, it is marriage really is about sanctification. Jon and I weren't Christians when we first married. We're the first to admit we got off to a rocky start. But here's the thing... every year that passes is one more reminder that we aren't the same people who got married in 1984. God has used countless circumstances ranging from the births of our children to job moves and job losses to friendships to the baggage we each brought to our relationship - all used to conform us to the image of His Son.
But this morning I'm thinking that of all the tools the Holy Spirit has wielded in my life for my good... Jon has been the most effective one. Every good and perfect gift comes from the Father and he is certainly the perfect choice for me. Because of our vast differences, we both have been forced to change... to move toward one another on things that we would otherwise handle in completely different ways. Our love for Christ and our love for one another has demanded that we relinquish our own "rights".
I recently had an epiphany. I've not been able to articulate it in a way that means anything to anyone but me. I only share it here because it becomes part of my (our) story and I think it's an example of the way God works in marriage. He uses time to blow us away. Our family was faced with some major changes a couple years ago. Without going into details, one of the events shut me down emotionally. And then, like life often does, events piled up on one another and I read my life through the lens of self-loathing. Because of that, I started frantically looking for things to prove I wasn't as worthless as I felt. I was writing - my manuscript mysteriously disappeared from the planet. Jon suggested that I get a job. At one point, I had 15 resumes out and not one bite. Ministry had been completely haulted. I could go on... In the middle of it, I had determined that God had given me "one talent" and had taken it away because I messed up somewhere. The elusive mistake was the problem - the whole mess had started because I did something that I truly believed God had asked me to do - it just didn't turn out the way I expected it to turn out. In the end, I found myself with LOTS of solitude and LOTS of anonymity - which I interpreted this way: God has rightfully shelved a useless tool.
And then there is this epiphany...
I recently read an excerpt from a puritan dude named William Law. It's flowery and lengthy, but the paraphrase is something like this: "Those who have no particular employment, that have time on their hands and greater liberty to live for themselves are under a greater obligation to live wholly unto God in all things. Their freedom lays them under a greater necessity to choose and do the best things. They are the ones of whom much will be required because much is given to them. Their duty is to make wise use of their liberty, to devote themselves to God, aspire to holiness, endeavor to do good works, and to please God. God has given them the "5 talents" since He has given them time and freedom, has enriched them with financial stability, leaving them with seemingly "nothing to do" but to make the best use of their giftings, blessings, and their short lives. He has given them liberty to serve Him and their neighbors, to imitate the great servants of God, to study, to be sanctified, and to set no bounds on their love and gratitude to the bountiful Author of all these blessings."
My husband's care of me has become to me the sweetest gift of sanctification. God has used Jon\'s faithful stewardship of his own gifts and callings, to put me in a position of "no particular employment" - to now have the liberty to follow hard after the God who created me and serve Him with a fuller obligation, a 5-talent responsibility. Because Jon loves me and has taken our roles seriously these 27 years, because he has granted me the gift of staying home with my children, because he has faithfully loved me in my feeble attempts of submission, God has led us to this place, this time. He has moved me from "worthless servant with no talent" to a servant at liberty to serve her God, her husband, her family, and her church/community with 5 talents. He has set in my heart an urgency as I approach my "Jubilee" birthday - to make use of the time left to glorify God and to submit my "talents" for the gospel. All good gifts come from God, but God has soveriegnly ordained for me that many of them were to come through my husband. I recognize that more today than ever.
When I look back on the last 27 years, Jon's constant care of me is God's grace to me. If my life were a movie, it would be titled, "The Many Faces of Denise". Every five years my husband wakes up to a new woman. And not always a well-adjusted one. :) And there are times that he has been downright infuriating, but I've always trusted Christ in him. Though I've experienced waves of insecurity, Jon is a covenant keeper. Though we've faced financial uncertainty, Jon is a trustworthy, faithful provider. Though I physically have morphed to something other than what he married, he still wants me. When I've been emotionally crippled, he has not run out on me in frustration or confusion. When I've been judgmental and self-righteous, he has forgiven me and received me back. When I've been too afraid to choose, he has chosen with me. When I've finally found courage, he has stood with me.
Today, if someone were to ask me, "What is the greatest gift God has ever given you?" I would first say "He rescued me at the cross because He delighted in me." And I would add, "And then He gave me Jon Dorminy." I'm a better lover of God because God loves me. And because Jon loves me. 27 years of sanctifying love. God-ordained, grace-filled, incomprehensible saving, sanctifying love.
Copyright 2011 Sharon Denise Dorminy
But this morning I'm thinking that of all the tools the Holy Spirit has wielded in my life for my good... Jon has been the most effective one. Every good and perfect gift comes from the Father and he is certainly the perfect choice for me. Because of our vast differences, we both have been forced to change... to move toward one another on things that we would otherwise handle in completely different ways. Our love for Christ and our love for one another has demanded that we relinquish our own "rights".
I recently had an epiphany. I've not been able to articulate it in a way that means anything to anyone but me. I only share it here because it becomes part of my (our) story and I think it's an example of the way God works in marriage. He uses time to blow us away. Our family was faced with some major changes a couple years ago. Without going into details, one of the events shut me down emotionally. And then, like life often does, events piled up on one another and I read my life through the lens of self-loathing. Because of that, I started frantically looking for things to prove I wasn't as worthless as I felt. I was writing - my manuscript mysteriously disappeared from the planet. Jon suggested that I get a job. At one point, I had 15 resumes out and not one bite. Ministry had been completely haulted. I could go on... In the middle of it, I had determined that God had given me "one talent" and had taken it away because I messed up somewhere. The elusive mistake was the problem - the whole mess had started because I did something that I truly believed God had asked me to do - it just didn't turn out the way I expected it to turn out. In the end, I found myself with LOTS of solitude and LOTS of anonymity - which I interpreted this way: God has rightfully shelved a useless tool.
And then there is this epiphany...
I recently read an excerpt from a puritan dude named William Law. It's flowery and lengthy, but the paraphrase is something like this: "Those who have no particular employment, that have time on their hands and greater liberty to live for themselves are under a greater obligation to live wholly unto God in all things. Their freedom lays them under a greater necessity to choose and do the best things. They are the ones of whom much will be required because much is given to them. Their duty is to make wise use of their liberty, to devote themselves to God, aspire to holiness, endeavor to do good works, and to please God. God has given them the "5 talents" since He has given them time and freedom, has enriched them with financial stability, leaving them with seemingly "nothing to do" but to make the best use of their giftings, blessings, and their short lives. He has given them liberty to serve Him and their neighbors, to imitate the great servants of God, to study, to be sanctified, and to set no bounds on their love and gratitude to the bountiful Author of all these blessings."
My husband's care of me has become to me the sweetest gift of sanctification. God has used Jon\'s faithful stewardship of his own gifts and callings, to put me in a position of "no particular employment" - to now have the liberty to follow hard after the God who created me and serve Him with a fuller obligation, a 5-talent responsibility. Because Jon loves me and has taken our roles seriously these 27 years, because he has granted me the gift of staying home with my children, because he has faithfully loved me in my feeble attempts of submission, God has led us to this place, this time. He has moved me from "worthless servant with no talent" to a servant at liberty to serve her God, her husband, her family, and her church/community with 5 talents. He has set in my heart an urgency as I approach my "Jubilee" birthday - to make use of the time left to glorify God and to submit my "talents" for the gospel. All good gifts come from God, but God has soveriegnly ordained for me that many of them were to come through my husband. I recognize that more today than ever.
When I look back on the last 27 years, Jon's constant care of me is God's grace to me. If my life were a movie, it would be titled, "The Many Faces of Denise". Every five years my husband wakes up to a new woman. And not always a well-adjusted one. :) And there are times that he has been downright infuriating, but I've always trusted Christ in him. Though I've experienced waves of insecurity, Jon is a covenant keeper. Though we've faced financial uncertainty, Jon is a trustworthy, faithful provider. Though I physically have morphed to something other than what he married, he still wants me. When I've been emotionally crippled, he has not run out on me in frustration or confusion. When I've been judgmental and self-righteous, he has forgiven me and received me back. When I've been too afraid to choose, he has chosen with me. When I've finally found courage, he has stood with me.
Today, if someone were to ask me, "What is the greatest gift God has ever given you?" I would first say "He rescued me at the cross because He delighted in me." And I would add, "And then He gave me Jon Dorminy." I'm a better lover of God because God loves me. And because Jon loves me. 27 years of sanctifying love. God-ordained, grace-filled, incomprehensible saving, sanctifying love.
Copyright 2011 Sharon Denise Dorminy
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