Sundays at 4:00 is our small group. It was started by an inquisition. Jonathon had reached the ethereal realm between sunday school pabulum and seminary steak. He had a host of questions and couldn't find a balanced meal to satisfy. Apparently he wasn't the only one.
I don't know what made me or even Jonathon think that I was up to the task. Their questions are beyond me. The answers further still. I sensed an urgency in him and the others that tugged so severely at me that, without obeying my screaming inadequacies, I agreed to lead. We've covered some of the huge foundation blocks of faith: origin of sin, slavery of sin, sovereignty of God, election, justification and imputation, Spiritual gifts, etc. And then one of the young men in our group proposed a topic: prayer. When asked "why prayer?", he responded with a question: "If God knows what we need and has a plan for us, won't He work out His plan without us asking? Why ask?" It's not a new question, but an ever perplexing one. I agreed it was a wonderful topic... and then discussions began. No one realized how much the topic of prayer can be so wrapped up in the sovereignty of God and the free will of man.
I bring this up because these "kids" have reminded me of something crucial. We really need to know not only what we believe, but why we believe it. We need to have a smart faith, not a blind one. As I've prepared to lead them, my goal has been not so much to preach, but to guide. In doing that, I've examined and reexamined my own belief system. I found a few blocks that were a tad askew. Sometimes we believe what we are taught without using the plumbline of Scripture. Sometimes we believe a doctrine because it's the more comfortable one. Some of the truths in God's word unsettle us and we choose to simplify God rather than magnify His mystery.
I'm not afraid to say "I don't know" or "I'm not sure". Sometimes my sons view that as a "copout", but it's not a copout when your "I don't know" is based upon an already ardent search for truth. I can stand in what may look like a "gray" area to some, but to me it is black and white: This is holy ground, a mystery, and I can trust Him anyway. Maybe that's where I stand in prayer. My prayers tug at the heart of God. God is sovereign and has a plan. God demands that I have faith, that I believe Him. God still knows what I need before I ask. God says sometimes I have not because I ask not. God says sometimes I ask with wrong motives. God says that we receive all that we ask in His name. It's all true all at once. That's not gray. It's truth. And it's mysteriously wonderful. "I don't know" and yet, "I know."
I continue to seek God about the things I don't understand. I am by design a student of the word - God wired me that way. I love the taste of fresh bread and cool gulps of living water. And occasionally I get a "brain freeze." But as we're feasting Sunday nights, I pray that God will satisfy their soul with His word and never satisfy their godly curiosity. I pray they will know what they believe and stand ready to proclaim both by the word and in their experience, why they believe what they believe. And more than all of that, they'll proclaim with boldness WHO they believe and why they believe Him.
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